Category: support group

July 5, 2007 was my larger than life lesson that continued to take me through everyday that moved me forward. Not one day that will ever be taken for granted.

On this day I was not in a car, but was walking out of my old office building when the 1800 pound awning collapsed on top of me. I was the only person who was trapped and blocking the entire front of the building. I remained conscious yet breathless. I remember hearing the loud screeching of screams coming from a colleague and I remember the frantic of others trying to pry heavy metal and debris from atop of my back as I was slumped forward in the parking lot.  Many men tried to pull me from under and I couldn’t speak nor move. My entire body was numb and perhaps the lack of sensation was my blessing from what I would endure soon enough. When the fire department and ambulance arrived I heard the saws chopping away what seemed like 25 feet in length of heavy metal, wood, and lighting. I remember as soon as I was placed inside the ambulance my body let me know to the degree of its injury. As soon as we scurried off my left leg was twisted and flopping around. I was screaming from the most unbearable pain I could ever feel in my life. I was begging the medic to hold my leg and I recall his response that he could not do so to reduce any further risk of injury. Prior, I asked a friend who worked with me and who was also at the scene to come with me to the hospital. I was scared and didn’t want to be alone. I knew I would otherwise because I didn’t have anyone to call to be beside me. The pain was unreal and my friend, she held my leg. At one point my body went numb again. I no longer had any sensation. I didn’t know whether I should be relieved or scared. I remember screaming again and praying that I would be OK. I prayed all the way through the ride to the hospital. The numbness continued for a while, which inside I was worried that I was paralyzed. I later learned that I needed orthopedic surgery to my left femur and hip, as my femur was broken just below the ball joint and was detached. With additional findings my l1 through4 vertebra were fractured, and 3 breaks to my pelvis as well. I remember that I had to wait for surgery for some time. I remember at a sudden moment I woke up and my hospital bed was being pushed to the operating room. I was in a frantic. I told the surgeon that I didn’t want surgery and I was so scared. He told me if I didn’t have surgery, I would be crippled for the rest of my life. I didn’t really understand at this time how severe my injuries were. I didn’t know what was going on. I was told that my left femur and hip were broken and they had to reattach them with a titanium rod in order to facilitate healing and any chance for me to walk again. Soon after my world went dark.

I woke up laying in my hospital bed confined in a back brace with a traction attached after my surgery for my left hip and femur. I was recovering in the hospital for several days. Learning how to maneuver with occupational therapy. I had visitors from friends who would sometimes stay the night at my “hotel suite”. We would watch movies, sing and play music and visit around different hospital floors. Most times I felt very alone but blessings through others certainly appeared for me during the hardest and most vulnerable time of my life. My mother suffered through a lot of physical and mental issues. She was in a very dark place with substance abuse and living in and out of inadequate and unsafe living conditions. She also didn’t drive. She never visited me in the hospital and we rarely spoke. My father, I hadn’t seen in several years at this point in my life. I didn’t have any family around to be there in any form of support for me. I had friends and colleagues that were there and through them miracles began to happen. Soon enough I would face the end of my time in the hospital and the bigger challenges of where I would go from there were now my problem. I didn’t have an adequate home or caregiver to go to. My only option that was given to me at this time would be a nursing home facility. As anyone can imagine the challenges of that alone at such a young age were frightening on the physical, mental , and financial standpoint. It wasn’t until my former boyfriend caught wind of my accident and situation and immediately called his parents. He told his mother to please take care of me as I had no one. He was a relationship I had in since the age of 17. He was my best friend and he taught me a lot about life, he protected and supported me through much when I didn’t have anyone else. We were young and eventually parted ways as we were growing through life and he moving back to his home country in need of figuring out his future. Meanwhile, I moved into his parents downstairs dining room which they converted into my hospital room. Equipped with a hospital bed, accessible side tables and even beside commode. I was like a small child during my recovery where I could do very little for myself. His mother took the role of my nurse and caregiver. I had several days of physical therapy per week, which she drove me to.  This family was my guardian angel. The biggest blessing one could ever receive. Having no obligation to bring a stranger into their home and love and care for someone just as their own. A family I could never be more thankful for and in hopes they will always know this. Over the years we became countries apart, life changes, families and new relationships of our own, but my heart will always  be so full of love for these angels throughout the rest of my life. I know that they were brought into my life to serve a higher purpose. Not only did they aid me to my physical recovery, but their humane acts of extreme love and kindness taught me one of the most valuable and powerful lessons I could have ever at such a young age.

I remained jovial during the toughest time of my life. I was hopeful and optimistic  in not only recovering, but exceeding the negative expectations of even my healthcare providers. I went to therapy each day challenging myself and pushing through the pain. I would recall the words of physicians in the hospital that told me I would never be normal or perhaps walk well again. I would be limited throughout the rest of my life. Those first days of my accident, I had already decided this was not the end for me. I was 20 years old. I had many goals and dreams. I was working hard already to escape a life of darkness and in-spite my accident, I believed this too would pass. Like everything else, I would heal and I would learn from it. Only adding to the unbreakable strength I was already building on. I was always positive. Though my experiences, I empathized with others and I understood that so many were just as alone as I was. Some unfortunately could not see the light of day, where I was always searching for it. While I was in the hospital, I would roll into patients rooms in my wheelchair to sit with them. Knowing how much of a difference it made in their own recovery as well. I understood that health was not just for living, but living well. Physical or mental help determines your quality of life. When a crisis occurs, the support one has will most definitely have a tremendous impact on recovery. When I was attending physical therapy, I also saw the patients who had not progressed very well. Mentally they remained weak and it showed physically as well. This made therapy for them extremely unmotivated and challenging. One of these days became the most enlightening for me. My physical therapist told me on one of my visits that he noticed a huge change in several of his patients since I had arrived. He told me that without me even realizing, I was motivating them with my positive attitude and larger than life goals for my own recovery. Most importantly, the kindness I showed to everyone I came across. Patients who were there twice as long, sulking in dark thinking, now had a motivating sense of support to positively lift them now through their recovery and journey. One they most likely never had. At this age, I didn’t go to therapy to worry about anyone else except for what was ahead of my future. I was more focused on me getting back to where I was before and fighting off the negative words that were previously spoken upon me. However, I realized that I would have easily been in their position or even worse if it weren’t for the blessings through the support and love that others were giving me at the very same time. A new hope that was granted rather than questioned. For this was a life changing circumstance that truly laid the foundation for me to keep on climbing, loving, giving, and living each day full of thanks. I saw the light and I was able to touch it. With my capabilities to do so while recognizing when others didn’t have that chance, all I could do was share it. It is the lesson that I continue to carry with me.

I have lost and I have suffered, but I know that with every challenge I have literally survived worse. That power keeps me dancing forward with my head up high and my heart full. Today gives you another reason to keep your head up high and smiling through. You have made it! I am stronger and always prepared to stand strong against what my be in front of me. My core was once crushed but it never crushed the core of who I was or would ever become. Not only did I heal physically, but mentally I substantially grew to a place I never new could ever live within me.

Each of us hold a super power. Look within yourself to use it and remain strong throughout your walk. Our journey makes our story. Share yours with others. Keep surviving, thriving, supporting and inspiring too. Where we may not always have much to give, our support and kindness goes a long way, and much more than we will ever know for some. It was through the unity of others that brought remarkable forces to my greatest aid in need. Through my own survival, I was able to truly learn who I was and ever could be going forward. Through my recovery, I learned the unbreakable strengths that I never knew could exist within one person. These strengths will only increase over time. As a whole, I learned that it is through community we can survive, but unity is most important to how we thrive.

My life has given me the challenges that have allowed me to recognize them as blessings. This particular moment was the beginning of my greater purpose. I understand the extremes of what life can offer and the magnifying effects it  brings to those with little to no support to overcome a crisis. There is always a gap to fill.  With each individual that steps forward, stability rises. This is crucial for the positive outreach that we hope to have among our communities. To do what we can do to give others the potential to receive a chance we have been given throughout our own fight. Never losing site of where we came from. We all have a story, maybe a few. The way we remain compassionate is never forgetting our story. This is why I share mine.

Continued blessings through your walk. Keep dancing through your journey!

-Amanda Marie Wilkinson