When it comes to parenting, there is not one manual, book of rules, or even clues as to achieving the “Best Parent” award. Being the best is non- existent as “the best” is so abstract that it is impossible to accurately define. Such a premature conception only sets unrealistic standards and relevancy to others based on individual life circumstances and family situations. There is no doubt that every parent is guaranteed to face some of the most difficult challenges throughout the path of parenthood. With this, having to make the the toughest, yet best decisions for the time being. Most often those decisions are the hardest because it requires a sacrifice for something else. For example, losing something for the sake of another. Sometimes even giving up one necessity in desperation of another that may have a slightly higher priority for the time being. This can be a devastation in itself. There are battles we have within as these experiences may come, and perhaps we have with others when it comes to the view of the art of parenting.
Over the period of my time as a parent, I have not only faced my own challenges, but I have witnessed some of the hardest battles from that of others. I can tell you that as a parent, I would never give another parent unsolicited advice on how to deliver their tools to their children. I had no information to their truth nor the knowledge of the tools they had or even those they may have lacked. It is not right to judge ones ability to deliver anything less or more than I could my own. For the life of one family is impossible to identify with for another. Within one individual, they are unique in their own self. The role of a parent, no matter the form, is uniquely based on life experiences, education, cultural background, support system, lack of support system, unexpected life events, loss, gain, and the list goes on. Our individual journeys are so different that the meaning of the title role of parent will not serve as the same meaning for all. However, the defining language of parenting can be described as the ultimate sacrifice and love. A language that will take you beyond what you can ever imagine being capable of. A language that only a parent can understand, but in the same to serving respect and support to another rather than placing judgment on a situation you truly are not capable of experiencing first yourself.
One should never judge another parent based on unforeseen circumstances. For instance, an economic status change. Where a parent could have been newly widowed or divorced. One leaving domestic abuse or a a two- parent household losing a job or making a career change. What about the single parent that is going back to school for a higher education and opportunity for brighter future for their child. The parent who became ill or disabled or even one that of a child. Consider the parents whom are living outside of an area of their core support, or the many who have very little to no support in place. Unfortunately when there are life changes or an occurrence of events, it can truly shake up the entire world of a household. For those families who are already lacking resources, this can be extremely altering and can be a very difficult road to recovery. For those who are blessed to have room for cushion, understand that your reality can be subject to change at anytime, but most importantly cannot be compared to that of others either. However, the unfortunate reality for those lacking is the unjust biases coming from society and more-so in the family court room. The lack of understanding and the remote ability to do so leaves for wrongful judgements and accusations. Closed- ended biases are only closed doors for those trying to prevail. When there is such a large discrepancy within one population to another, the lower of the denominator is often the sufferer and victim of oppression. What should be considered as logic, is instead a shunned truth. Where there is law, there are loopholes. What should be served morally, is done so righteously and unjust.
There are so many special circumstances in life that the world cannot count alone. Some cases for families can be more extreme or rare to see than others. Most factors uncontrolled but also unfairly controlled by another. The empty- minded norms that are unrelated from one family to another. The temporary altering circumstances as well as universal laws and rules written do not fit the mold of every family, which ultimately are under-served. When it comes to packaging a family, there is never a one size fits all. There are life changing disabilities short term and long term, career layoffs, going back to school to get a higher education, perhaps going to school to get an education for the brighter future for your family. Where these factors bare the truth of a portion of our community, all of these require sacrifice and enforce suffering. What should be remembered in these circumstances, this does not make one an incompetent parent and certainly does not make one a bad one either. There is a small percentage of people who have been very fortunate to not experience a traumatic event or loss. However, it is seen more within this portion of society, especially within a public system as the most biased when it comes to deciding what is best for a child. The majority of time where one parent is vulnerable, they are most often oppressed by society and the justice system. Even found to be pulled into an unnecessary battle at the expense of their child, job, and education path. Where the things that served as the climbing ladder to their future, is now taken away before their feet. How is this fair by any means and where does this benefit the person that matters the most- the child?
Where there are so many parents who may sacrifice tremendously to hold a job (sometimes multiple), juggling a full time school schedule in order to reach the desired future for their family, it can be misconstrued to instability. Sacrifice does not make one unstable, but in the long run, more secure. Sometimes the boat of life is shaken when there is unexpected winds and storms, but as long as we are pulling the ropes where we need, we are able to keep sailing smoothly along to our destination. However, if one is continuously stricken by lightening throughout their journey, it makes it very difficult to maintain the momentum of the sail. Most often losing and sacrificing even more than before during the time of recovery.
To all parents (no matter the form) who are facing some of the biggest challenges and searching for the face of hope, remember that you are doing the absolute best under each and every one of your unique circumstances. This is what defines you as a parent. Keep pushing through those challenges and take it as your strength training. You need to keep building for your children as they only need you, and the best version that you can be. At the end of the day they are hugging and loving you. Not the size of the house they live in, the abundance of toys, the car they ride in, or the empty space they stand when they are not with you. Nothing in this world can compete with the love between a child and their parent, especially when it is the biggest love they know. At the end of the day, the only thing that matters is the Quality time and love that they receive. This is not something that can be given to them by anyone else. Therefore the persecution of parenting is not justified.
In the times of distress, just keep reminding yourself that bettering yourself for the sake of your child’s future is the most selfless and loving act that a parent can do for them. A role model who teaches work ethic, determination, strength, compassion, understanding and truly the greatest love for their child. In the times of adversity it is the easiest for anyone to give up and surrender, but it doesn’t move you forward and only pushes you further back than where you started. That alone does not bring goodness. Giving up is never the best choice. Only rest when needed. Keep your eye on the prize as it is closer to your reach than you think. There is so much more to your journey than what may appear. Something much larger than you and is only realized when you are determined to go above and beyond to to have it within your grasp.
Love and support others where you can during the times of adversity. Share your stories and offer them as a resource. Place no judgement on another but only a loving hand over those in need. Unity with community!
-Amanda Marie Wilkinson
– A.M.W
Unity With Community 