Over the course of this last week of our November month, I refrain less from external influence and listen with close attention to my own surroundings. There are moments to be in solitude, some by choice, some perhaps not. Whichever the case may be, there is always an opportunity for an open table. Most importantly a time to reflect and be thankful. Take yourself away from all of the hustle and bustle, quick turnarounds and traditions. Give yourself the time with a quiet road trip, a hike, or simply a walk outside of your daily routine. During a special occasion, especially the holidays, I feel a desire to give myself time to reflect and enjoy all of those that I am blessed to have in company. After all, it can get pretty loud and chaotic as we prepare for the annual holiday festivities.
We all just got through the big Turkey dinner, some surviving in laws, some laughing all the way to the start of decorating for Christmas. Many were being served by members of family, some beautiful strangers, and others may have had very little but very much thankful. For myself, I originally didn’t have an idea of what I was going to do this year for the Thanksgiving holiday. All I knew was that I wanted to provide my daughter a humbling and fun experience. Having not family in close proximity, it is always an adventure to road trip or create one of our own traditions. My now 6 year old has taken the liking of doing so over the years of exploring and experiencing. I always take the opportunity to give this to her at every given chance. This came mostly when I had to make several road trips for work and very quick meetings, often returning just within a few hours. I though to myself very early on that the way these uncertain trips would be worthwhile is if I used these opportunities to explore my surroundings. After all, these were places I was not always so familiar with and I quickly became acquainted with the people and beauty that surrounded. Traveling away from a repetitive routine in one city, this became my break that we could all use in a moments time. My daughter was not yet in school, so I took this as a time to create memories with her. Sometimes we would be in the same city multiple times in the same week- exploring different areas each time, sometimes a new city entirely. Never living the moment as a tourist but exploring and appreciating as a local. It is not realistic nor always possible to financially support various attractions during these moments, so we explored new parks, trails, hills, industrious centers. In moments when I could splurge a little, it was during times like now, the holidays, we would explore the different festivals and traditions. Everywhere you go there is a slight change in culture and that is the beauty of being different.
This year, I drove in 5 hours to visit with a cousin that I grew up with. It was a very last minute decision coming up the night before Thanksgiving. Though I was very happy to have had this time to spend with her and her husband and two children. Laughing like old times, as if the years between us never passed by. Enjoying wine and preparing for the big feast for the next day. Her in laws were coming over, which is equally a large family. I had never met them before, however I heard of the greatest stories. This evening we spoke about the different views of family, those who are close, perhaps those that are not. All of the differences between each member and reasons why some are so different in the idea of being together. Coming from a large family, I remember as a child always taking road trips with my parents to visit aunts/ uncles and cousins, ect. I don’t recall very much it being reciprocated in the sense, but I understood that sometimes if you want to make it happen, you have to do it yourself. Not much you can expect from others.
The night before Thanksgiving, my cousin and I were discussing the distance between certain family members. Where this side of the family all live withing 30 minutes or less of each other, I was informed that they do not ever see each other. Where there would be invites to birthday parties, family gatherings, and now even the holidays, there wasn’t that togetherness or even response. I was a bit surprised at the behavior and attitudes and didn’t understand how this could be. I only wished that I had the ability to have family surrounding me. The idea of getting together as often as possible was something I wanted but always lacked. I was happy to make the several hour drive to visit those who I loved and enjoyed being around with. I was thankful for this time for sure. The holidays to me are about togetherness. It doesn’t necessarily call for the traditional table setting, but coming together to an open table, welcoming all as they wished, sharing this time with equal willingness and joy. It doesn’t matter if you are among the imperfect family members or perfect strangers, most often I find myself the most thankful in this exact situation.
My cousin informed me that she has always felt outcast from certain members of the family as she was in a biracial marriage. I was immediately stunned at this as I have never known anyone in the family who would have thought differently from her nor I. My family is full of culture, different ethnicity and background. We grew up knowing no external difference from anyone we have ever met. She is married to a wonderful man who shows unconditional love to his wife and children. They have been together since college and is one of the truest and most successful relationships I have seen. I had never met his family before, but I was extremely excited. I knew that had to be just as funny and entertaining as he and overall good people. Understanding this, one thing that I couldn’t wrap myself around was why the family that I thought I knew, could ever be so judgemental. I hadn’t seen them in years and when I did, it was during my single days, non- mom times, and well much younger. Then again, perhaps I do not really know them as I haven’t spent time with them in years. These particular members that were mentioned apparently live in a bubble. The world they visualize as existence, but not necessarily reality. I am sure so many people can relate. Though this cousin of mine remained to be the one I was close with and now our children are too. As a parent, we want our children to know their family, roots, and have the closeness. I used to care whether my family and I saw each other enough, but as time grew I too understood that it takes two. You have to be open to giving and open to receiving. However, we can’t force families to be in perfect harmony either. Views and differences take away from the best of us and it can be harmful to those involved. These are not reasons to be thankful otherwise nor bring the care and joy that is the focus to giving. Let us always surround ourselves with positivity, love, and likeness. This is all that we can do. There is no Perfect thing or person. Togetherness, doesn’t have a right or wrong in doing. Togetherness is about being together with those that bring you joy and love and appreciating that is with you and all of that you do not have to worry about. At this time, I couldn’t have been more thankful.
Though I reflect on times when it may have been very much myself and daughter during the holidays. Times where I do not feel it was in solitude, but time bonding and creating new traditions. As a child, I remember the families getting together with friends and having a whole shebang, but this all was determined by the person hosting. Family gatherings are not always the same, and when you are older and having a family of your own (whichever form this may be) there is never a cookie cutter way of traditionally celebrating. There is no right or wrong way, there is no way to ever feel you could have done more. Some find it easy to dwell on the imperfections or wish they had the tv family over for dinner. Bring to the table what you have and the being that you are and allow each seat to be filled accordingly. Originally, I planned to prepare a small dinner per usual with my daughter before taking her off for the weekend for some holiday festivals. Something I have done every year. When I returned from just the 48 hour trip with my cousin and now new friends, I mentally soaked and reflected on the experiences shared. I had a beautiful time with all of whom I was surrounded by. Even though most were unfamiliar faces, I didn’t miss the familiar ones that were not there, and I am thankful for being in the presence of those who were. Remember we do not just have one day to be thankful for, nor should we have to traditionally restrict our thanksgiving day to this.
As I reflect on each of my days, I am open and able to see each one of the blessings that I receive. I hold a smile close and tight because I am thankful for everyday. Not one blessing is ever too small too recognize and not one is packaged in the same form. Even if they are the ones later revealed from their disguise. I am thankful for each person I encounter, as I tend to hear the most fascinating stories and even some of the greatest lessons. Those that bring a deeper perception to the life that I know and a greater understanding of one that I may not. I am full of joy when I meet unique, yet like minded individuals. I am thankful for the support that I have often received from them as well. Everyday I am thankful for the experiences learned- even when they were not entirely expected, nor originally accepted. I know that if our minds remained closed, so would be our doors. Our world is full of life, character, uniqueness, likeness, and differences. However, as much as it is open to each and everyone of us, perhaps reciprocating this to our world could only be so kind.
If you look back on the feelings you had last week during your own period of thanks, would you have done more, less, or anything different? If so, know that today you have the same opportunity as well. Whatever you may have thought to do differently, or perhaps share with those that you were not able to see, you have everyday to replay, resume and evaluate your day of thanks and giving. Each day that you are given, provides to you open opportunities. There is no reason to dwell and look for all that you do not have, but instead look for and create something enjoyable with all that you do! Allow yourself to be open to receiving. Most importantly, stride with an open heart and gather to give and share at an open table. Tis everyday as you do the season of togetherness!
Stay full, Be thankful, My thanks everyday!
-Amanda Marie Wilkinson
Unity With Community 